Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
