it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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