im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
