Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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