I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
