sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
