giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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