Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
