please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!