At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.