Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.

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(602): Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not. http://tfl.nu/pe6e

Replies (14) Good night (838) Bad night (3619)
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(562): View more from California

trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"

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(562): trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander" http://tfl.nu/pjq1

Replies (20) Good night (3355) Bad night (741)
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(518): View more from New York

i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno

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(518): i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno http://tfl.nu/fv58

Replies (29) Good night (538) Bad night (2873)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

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(651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad. http://tfl.nu/pphf

Replies (16) Good night (8417) Bad night (973)
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(708): View more from Illinois

he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet

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(708): he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet http://tfl.nu/enn5

Replies (40) Good night (6407) Bad night (616)
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(980): View more from North Carolina

after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape

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(980): after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape http://tfl.nu/d3c4

Replies (8) Good night (3650) Bad night (810)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.

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(781): I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing. http://tfl.nu/7fgj

Replies (17) Good night (5854) Bad night (1284)
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(909): View more from California

He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.

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(909): He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere. http://tfl.nu/wyhi

Replies (4) Good night (3044) Bad night (693)
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(740): View more from Ohio

I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

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(740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht

Replies (10) Good night (4103) Bad night (1047)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table

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(778): nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table http://tfl.nu/3lt3

Replies (8) Good night (1702) Bad night (1245)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.

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(774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it. http://tfl.nu/ttfm

Replies (27) Good night (4704) Bad night (930)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood

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(870): There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood http://tfl.nu/fo50

Replies (17) Good night (461) Bad night (2660)
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(310): View more from California

Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.

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(310): Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth. http://tfl.nu/zdvm

Replies (5) Good night (992) Bad night (496)
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(936): View more from Texas

Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.

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(936): Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life. http://tfl.nu/qbmn

Replies (6) Good night (645) Bad night (535)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.

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(479): I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers. http://tfl.nu/959h

Replies (7) Good night (424) Bad night (221)

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