There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF