You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.