it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going