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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.

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• (646): View more from New York

  Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

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• 

  27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling

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• (556): View more from

  Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Parents weekend was a success.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.

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  These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.

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• (516): View more from New York

  is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?

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• (315): View more from New York

  After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.

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• (530): View more from California

  I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF

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