Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
