I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
