it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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