This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
