i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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