she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
