Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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