I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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