Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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