You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
