you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
