Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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