I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
