Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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