Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
