Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Where is the hickey?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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