Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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