he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the condom got lost in my hair
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
