I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
