Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
