i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
