i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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