Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
