You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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