I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
