My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
