I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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