So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
