I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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