okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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