mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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