Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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