You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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