I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
