dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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