I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
