can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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