Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How naked do you want me to be?
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