he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
