I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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