woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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