hotel room ftw
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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