I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize