Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
