two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
