Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
