Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
