my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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