walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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