So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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