i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
