I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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