does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
