so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
