Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
