no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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