Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
