so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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