If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
