she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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