It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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