when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
