the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
