You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you had me at cake vodka
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
