By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
