if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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