a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she smelled like a LAN party
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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