hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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